The Late Night Space

In the world where people are fond of catching up all the time, you enter a phase where you don’t need catching up anymore. After a long day of work when you come back home, settle down, doing nothing but staring at the wall, alone, you are at peace. How? Why? Irrelevant questions. Sometimes all you need in life is space. Space from your own self which isn’t bothered, which is free from worldly duties for some time.

When its 11 at night and you have no one to talk to you are at peace because you are spared from all the daily questions of how things were, how it has been and how it is going to be. Don’t we answer these questions too frequently. Why don’t people ask something out of the blue, something which needs a cup of tea in hand to answer and understand, something which can make you stop and think before you open your mouth to reply.

You reach midnight and the playlist running in your ears is not soothing your heart anymore, you need more space, more aloofness. You remove the earphones and wait for the silence to absorb you. It might take some seconds but sometimes it might take the whole night. Because some noises never leave you and they never will. On some nights the voices are silent, just like the person. And you get that space back. The space you never had before.

I need few empty pages and a pen that doesn’t pain my fingers. I don’t need a smoke; I need the smallest flicker of light that is coming from far corner of the big and empty roof. I need the lights from the planes that fly above me. I need to see those flashes coming from far off homes which I can see but cannot see. But I need the darkness too, the darkness which is due to the trees which are spread across. And the darkness which is coming from beyond the visibility area.

Some pages of your journal are filled, and you realize the words don't show any hurt. You are happy to see that your day was nice and soothing. You see your happy self between the lines. You see how you embraced the change. You see how you learnt the art of letting go in just few hours. You see how things are fine just like that. You see how you had to let go in a way that you never thought about.

1 a.m. is harder. The silence is emptier, the heart is more active, and sleep is just around the corner. But you know it is not time yet. You browse in your phone and reply to those who have ignored you for a long time. You are not bound to reply, you aren't seeking and adoring attention. You do it only because that’s who you are, you don’t ignore. This will make you feel guilty later but later is not a concept of your life; its always right now.

Few more words passed around, few stories, few confessions, its soothing yet not everything that one needs. But what one needs, I don’t know what I need, I just leave it on fate and enjoy what I have now. Life is too short to hold onto things, people and grudges. You need fresh morning every day and a peaceful night; a night like this.

Another hour and the poet is out, but there are no words. Poetry is in your emotions and that cant ooze out from your words. Not this night of course, not this day. It must wait, or the things needs to settle more. You are still vulnerable but not breakable. There is a minute difference and not everyone will realize it.

When you are a horror movie lover three o clock scares you the most. You are more careful because you know what happened in the movies. You never come out of magical realism if you are a true fantasy fan, it's the part of your real life.

You are on a random call with someone who is teaching you that how everything is fine, but you are not letting it to be. But he doesn’t know that you have already let it go in a true sense and somehow he helped you in it. Some people leave a mark without even realizing. And I have stopped overwhelming people by thanking them. They will see for themselves, the changes in you will tell them that they are giving a meaningful shape to things.

After being confined in your cubicles for hours and hours when you walk on an empty roof for some minutes your heart is elated. You don’t need a companion to enjoy the starless sky, you need to enjoy it alone to enjoy it later with someone else, someone who will understand how important silence is for you. And when he will be a part of that silence it will make more sense.

The late-night space is not just a concept, it’s a feeling. Its your special place, special time of the day, which might delay you tomorrow, but it gave bliss today. And today is what matters. Right now, is the right high.

A day in the big city

People make plans and cancel them, make them again and cancel again. Big cities come with big disadvantages. People have no time for solace, they have time for sleep but not for what comes after waking up. Only those who don’t get to do what they want to, in a city they are stuck in can understand how lucky few people are, but that’s a hypothetical concept for them.

You can be happy anywhere but what if you want to be happy due to a reason, due to some places, due to some things. Can we really get that in any city? Can we get that at any day of the week? Do we really need weekends to do what we like?

I want to spend my start of the week wandering like its no ones business. I might look unemployed, roaming with no intention but some days you need just that, no plans, no thoughts, no ideas of how the day is going to be. You go where you want to, you do what your heart desire in that particular moment, you visit that bookstore where you cant afford even a page of your next to be read book, but you still go, see those books and feel at home. It seems this was the only thing that was missing, this solace of your kind.

No one will come with you for a horror movie because they know they will be a scared bag of chips, full of anxious air and well you will be laughing with glee when the ghost appears suddenly. The movie was all you needed, after what you were forced to watch before with others, no ghosts, no blood, how can someone enjoy this plainness. Not me.

You need to date yourself on a day when the whole city is busy in their cubicles, and you are getting drenched in an unexpected rain, listening to a track which no one knows about but you.

Its like having a secret life, where no one has a place, it’s your sanctuary, your peaceful abode. But is the day over yet? No. There are still those connections of yours who are bored after their usual day and want to connect, and as the day comes to an end, you too need someone to tell you that you are not alone in this chaos. Some people feel for you and are happy to see you, those hugs are priceless, those smiles are all that you need after such a tiring day. Because you can love yourself enough but when someone loves you back it touches you deep.

What better way to end your day with your 20 year old friend, when she let you reminiscence the old memories, roast some gems of your school and make you remember that we two have come so far on our own, it feels the day is now complete.

Twelve hours later in the busiest city of the country, you have time for yourself, what else one needs. You are happy, but are you? Only one person in the world knows about it and she is waiting for you to come back home so she can listen to how everything went. And she is happy for you. She listens to the minutes when you were about to give up in the day and is proud when you didn’t.

Some days can only be lived in a big city. No one is concerned about where you go, or if you slip or if you look bad or you are wildly moving around with teary eyes, and this getting lost in the crowd can only be felt here. And it is addicting. You need another day like that and another and another…...

Room with a view

What fun in working day in and out when you can’t look down at the whole world as if you don’t belong to this chaos. What is the logic when logics work in the most logical way. What is the worth of that view when things don’t blend with each other to give a blurry image.

All I need is a cup of tea, a magnificent view and solace. It brings back all the things that you let go in the long run which shouldn’t have been left to themselves. It brings back the childhood memories of standing on the rooftop and feeling the pain of muddy water running from the overhead pipe directly on your head after a long rainy day has been over. Its like no one is watching you but you have that eyesight to inspect the farthest flicker of light which is invisible to all senses.

A room with a view is not a concept it’s a way of living. When you know that the pace of all your worries will be slowed down as soon as you will notice that dog who plays with his owner in the nearest house of the fifth lane. When you know the bells of the temple will be so soft from distance that you would be tempted to listen it from a closer vicinity. It changes something, something minuscule.

All I need is a cup of tea, a magnificent view and a book in hand. The characters will not be running in my imagination, they would be playing a role in front of the vast view that my eyes are noticing. They will live in the house which I can’t see if I stand in one corner of the room, but I can surely peep inside the window if I change my orientation. When the city I read about becomes the city I am observing, it’s like parallel worlds getting collided for the first time, people merging, time warps and strange situations happening just behind the park with a broken wall.

It can take away the pain which you felt when the view was changed earlier in the day when you stepped out. Maybe it can change the way you look at things or make you more vulnerable, but it has the power to change things; for better or for worse? that is a different concept. You can let go of things, people, love and hostility. Or you can be more anxious then you have been all day, and no one will even know; just your reflection which is lost in the void of a populous view.

But be alone to feel the feel of a view in the room of your own because at the end of it you need to return to what is yours and is real. You can’t run away but you can take a break and the break is worth it...

What a good book can do to you

You know you are submerged in a good book when you stop everything you have been doing for many weeks; all of a sudden. What it is doing to your mind and heart is more complex to understand then the book itself.

What I have been reading since past 3 days have left me wondering what your mind can do to you when you are involved in a fictional tale which you can relate to your own life.

How can it make you feel connected to different people in your life?

When the story is divided in phases and when people come and go according to their roles you understand how important that is. How the same thing has been following you around day in and out. But now as you know the ending of the book you understand how things mattered in the very start which led us to this outcome. You suddenly start worrying less. Its such a sudden thing that even you can’t believe it for some time.

People come and go but they leave their imprint and that will shape up what you desire wholeheartedly.

How you start loving and hating the same person in and out of the book?

Its strange how a writer can play with your mind and make you believe that you have been trusting the wrong person all along. You stop, close the book, wait a minute or two, read the passage again and connect the dots. Its hard to manage the bile rising in your throat but not everything runs according to your fancy. Loving and hating are strong words and run hand in hand. On one page you are loving them and on the last sentence you are heart broken. Sounds relatable?

How big revelations are not embellished, and pain is not told but allowed to be felt?

When I was reading this book, death was told in between all the commotion that was going on; it wasn't mentioned once in full royalty. It can be the last sentence and that tells you the chapter is over, move on. That hits hard. Analyze it for yourself, feel the pain hidden somewhere in between the last and the current page you are on and inhale the emptiness; as you are not going to meet the same character again in your life, but the book wouldn’t have been completed without them. That was something to learn for a lifetime.

How people turn their biggest defeats around?

I love books which don’t have an over-powered protagonist. The weight is too heavy for two shoulders. It needs to be passed on over and over and over till the distribution sounds sane, the problems sound genuine and the rewards are hard earned. Who needs a hero when you can have multiple normal people? Similarly, who needs one soul when you can have many who shapes you through and through until you sail with them, knowingly or unknowingly. You fail but who said it was an easy road. Be anxious, be stupid, make mistakes but DO something if you are not content.

How love can teach you what it takes to be there?

Fiction can have unrealistic love couples. But I see two normal people who fell in love because of no reason. Simply fell in love and never fell out of it. The stolen glances are much more functionary then the endless and tiresome love making. Something that lasts longer and leaves a beautiful imprint in the heart of someone who is reading such a simple and ordinary love tale that ends in not more then a few chapters or few pages, or maybe a paragraph.

How social reasons cannot affect a fictional tale?

 I skip all the unnecessary information the writer tries to give me when I am enjoying just a story. But you need to know who supports who just to see how they will react further. It’s an enjoyable process, though people are dying, murderers are not convicted but do you care when you know it’s a reality hidden behind a story which never happened. It’s a maze of creative space and real world which you never want to exit.

How big revelations can make you wonder your intelligence?

You feel you know it all, a few more chapters and its done. You will be crying your heart out in a few seconds without any explanation even if you are sitting in a room full of people. You breathe slowly, keep the book as far as possible to never return to it. But that is a pretense. You return to it after few hours, you are ready now. It will be over in a few chapters and maybe you have been too negative, and the writer wasn’t in the bad mood while writing the story. Maybe love stays when you think everything has gone astray. The hope rises and its not in your power to relate it to yourself.

How the pressure of finishing it and not letting them go is balanced?

Just 40 more pages; and it has been hard on you. People are dead, love has bloomed, hardened, lied to and what not. Nightmares will haunt you too because you are part of it now, believe it or not, it is not going to leave you alone tonight. You can’t escape it. You skip paragraphs because you need to end it before going to bed, but you know you are letting go of your breath with that, you revisit and find your favorite quote. Just like how you miss on important things not knowing they were important in the first place. But you go back and that is what really matters.

It was hard but it was hard in a subtle way 😊 

Weight Loss for the right reason

Losing weight is not hard, there is no rocket science involved. It goes much deeper.

Being an obese person for almost 23 years of my life I have realized one thing, no one could persuade me to do it other then myself. No matter how much humiliation I went through, I could never do it. No one could make me understand that it was important because they gave me all the wrong reasons.

Weight loss is not for fitting in better clothes, it's not for shutting up that creep from your college who body shammed you, it's not for that neighbour who constantly reminds you of your round shape; weight loss is for something which you don’t want in your life anymore. It can be your decreased morale, any disease due to obesity or decrement in your confidence level.

Proper and positive reasons for weight loss can make you move in right direction; with determination and passion. All it takes is the correct “why”. A correct “when” which should always be today and not any coming Monday. And a correct “How” which is the easiest to figure out.

The main factors that help in boosting your confidence are the right sort of people who are around you during this phase. With every kilo I lost I had a friend who was happier than I was and that made the process exciting. Every Friday she waited to hear how my week went. And every time my weight was same, she used to explain how I am losing fat and not weight so I shouldn't feel bad about it.

You don’t need negativity, you don’t need pressure, if you are enjoying what you are doing you are doing it correctly.

Many people are obsessed with not weighing themselves but trust me weighing and measuring yourself weekly or daily can help you satiate your mind in the best possible way. It can make you realize that what went wrong in your week, how your diet or cheat meal didn’t work in the best way for your metabolism or how your sleep schedule is affecting your progress.

If you are doing it for yourself, for your own betterment and change, you can follow it for a longer time. And once you achieve a little your greed for more will occur and that greed never lets you stop.

Chose the right reason and enjoy the changes. :)