In Short #1

When I talk about him,

I talk about him.

When I think about him,

I think about us.

Musings #1

I want to take him out for coffee,

carrying two books.

Different ones.

Rule 1.

We should read in silence.

Rule 2.

Listening to a common playlist.

He might laugh at a joke in the book.

And I will look up for a second,

but he will ask me to carry on.

Rolling his palm,

gesturing that he will explain later.

The day will pass by

and I will have the best of both worlds.

The Late Night Space

In the world where people are fond of catching up all the time, you enter a phase where you don’t need catching up anymore. After a long day of work when you come back home, settle down, doing nothing but staring at the wall, alone, you are at peace. How? Why? Irrelevant questions. Sometimes all you need in life is space. Space from your own self which isn’t bothered, which is free from worldly duties for some time.

When its 11 at night and you have no one to talk to you are at peace because you are spared from all the daily questions of how things were, how it has been and how it is going to be. Don’t we answer these questions too frequently. Why don’t people ask something out of the blue, something which needs a cup of tea in hand to answer and understand, something which can make you stop and think before you open your mouth to reply.

You reach midnight and the playlist running in your ears is not soothing your heart anymore, you need more space, more aloofness. You remove the earphones and wait for the silence to absorb you. It might take some seconds but sometimes it might take the whole night. Because some noises never leave you and they never will. On some nights the voices are silent, just like the person. And you get that space back. The space you never had before.

I need few empty pages and a pen that doesn’t pain my fingers. I don’t need a smoke; I need the smallest flicker of light that is coming from far corner of the big and empty roof. I need the lights from the planes that fly above me. I need to see those flashes coming from far off homes which I can see but cannot see. But I need the darkness too, the darkness which is due to the trees which are spread across. And the darkness which is coming from beyond the visibility area.

Some pages of your journal are filled, and you realize the words don't show any hurt. You are happy to see that your day was nice and soothing. You see your happy self between the lines. You see how you embraced the change. You see how you learnt the art of letting go in just few hours. You see how things are fine just like that. You see how you had to let go in a way that you never thought about.

1 a.m. is harder. The silence is emptier, the heart is more active, and sleep is just around the corner. But you know it is not time yet. You browse in your phone and reply to those who have ignored you for a long time. You are not bound to reply, you aren't seeking and adoring attention. You do it only because that’s who you are, you don’t ignore. This will make you feel guilty later but later is not a concept of your life; its always right now.

Few more words passed around, few stories, few confessions, its soothing yet not everything that one needs. But what one needs, I don’t know what I need, I just leave it on fate and enjoy what I have now. Life is too short to hold onto things, people and grudges. You need fresh morning every day and a peaceful night; a night like this.

Another hour and the poet is out, but there are no words. Poetry is in your emotions and that cant ooze out from your words. Not this night of course, not this day. It must wait, or the things needs to settle more. You are still vulnerable but not breakable. There is a minute difference and not everyone will realize it.

When you are a horror movie lover three o clock scares you the most. You are more careful because you know what happened in the movies. You never come out of magical realism if you are a true fantasy fan, it's the part of your real life.

You are on a random call with someone who is teaching you that how everything is fine, but you are not letting it to be. But he doesn’t know that you have already let it go in a true sense and somehow he helped you in it. Some people leave a mark without even realizing. And I have stopped overwhelming people by thanking them. They will see for themselves, the changes in you will tell them that they are giving a meaningful shape to things.

After being confined in your cubicles for hours and hours when you walk on an empty roof for some minutes your heart is elated. You don’t need a companion to enjoy the starless sky, you need to enjoy it alone to enjoy it later with someone else, someone who will understand how important silence is for you. And when he will be a part of that silence it will make more sense.

The late-night space is not just a concept, it’s a feeling. Its your special place, special time of the day, which might delay you tomorrow, but it gave bliss today. And today is what matters. Right now, is the right high.

A day in the big city

People make plans and cancel them, make them again and cancel again. Big cities come with big disadvantages. People have no time for solace, they have time for sleep but not for what comes after waking up. Only those who don’t get to do what they want to, in a city they are stuck in can understand how lucky few people are, but that’s a hypothetical concept for them.

You can be happy anywhere but what if you want to be happy due to a reason, due to some places, due to some things. Can we really get that in any city? Can we get that at any day of the week? Do we really need weekends to do what we like?

I want to spend my start of the week wandering like its no ones business. I might look unemployed, roaming with no intention but some days you need just that, no plans, no thoughts, no ideas of how the day is going to be. You go where you want to, you do what your heart desire in that particular moment, you visit that bookstore where you cant afford even a page of your next to be read book, but you still go, see those books and feel at home. It seems this was the only thing that was missing, this solace of your kind.

No one will come with you for a horror movie because they know they will be a scared bag of chips, full of anxious air and well you will be laughing with glee when the ghost appears suddenly. The movie was all you needed, after what you were forced to watch before with others, no ghosts, no blood, how can someone enjoy this plainness. Not me.

You need to date yourself on a day when the whole city is busy in their cubicles, and you are getting drenched in an unexpected rain, listening to a track which no one knows about but you.

Its like having a secret life, where no one has a place, it’s your sanctuary, your peaceful abode. But is the day over yet? No. There are still those connections of yours who are bored after their usual day and want to connect, and as the day comes to an end, you too need someone to tell you that you are not alone in this chaos. Some people feel for you and are happy to see you, those hugs are priceless, those smiles are all that you need after such a tiring day. Because you can love yourself enough but when someone loves you back it touches you deep.

What better way to end your day with your 20 year old friend, when she let you reminiscence the old memories, roast some gems of your school and make you remember that we two have come so far on our own, it feels the day is now complete.

Twelve hours later in the busiest city of the country, you have time for yourself, what else one needs. You are happy, but are you? Only one person in the world knows about it and she is waiting for you to come back home so she can listen to how everything went. And she is happy for you. She listens to the minutes when you were about to give up in the day and is proud when you didn’t.

Some days can only be lived in a big city. No one is concerned about where you go, or if you slip or if you look bad or you are wildly moving around with teary eyes, and this getting lost in the crowd can only be felt here. And it is addicting. You need another day like that and another and another…...

Room with a view

What fun in working day in and out when you can’t look down at the whole world as if you don’t belong to this chaos. What is the logic when logics work in the most logical way. What is the worth of that view when things don’t blend with each other to give a blurry image.

All I need is a cup of tea, a magnificent view and solace. It brings back all the things that you let go in the long run which shouldn’t have been left to themselves. It brings back the childhood memories of standing on the rooftop and feeling the pain of muddy water running from the overhead pipe directly on your head after a long rainy day has been over. Its like no one is watching you but you have that eyesight to inspect the farthest flicker of light which is invisible to all senses.

A room with a view is not a concept it’s a way of living. When you know that the pace of all your worries will be slowed down as soon as you will notice that dog who plays with his owner in the nearest house of the fifth lane. When you know the bells of the temple will be so soft from distance that you would be tempted to listen it from a closer vicinity. It changes something, something minuscule.

All I need is a cup of tea, a magnificent view and a book in hand. The characters will not be running in my imagination, they would be playing a role in front of the vast view that my eyes are noticing. They will live in the house which I can’t see if I stand in one corner of the room, but I can surely peep inside the window if I change my orientation. When the city I read about becomes the city I am observing, it’s like parallel worlds getting collided for the first time, people merging, time warps and strange situations happening just behind the park with a broken wall.

It can take away the pain which you felt when the view was changed earlier in the day when you stepped out. Maybe it can change the way you look at things or make you more vulnerable, but it has the power to change things; for better or for worse? that is a different concept. You can let go of things, people, love and hostility. Or you can be more anxious then you have been all day, and no one will even know; just your reflection which is lost in the void of a populous view.

But be alone to feel the feel of a view in the room of your own because at the end of it you need to return to what is yours and is real. You can’t run away but you can take a break and the break is worth it...